eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
