I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
