Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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