i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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