Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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