Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
