no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
