Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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