it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
