he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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