Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
