I want to have your abortion
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had to cum in my sink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
