yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what day is it and did you see me today?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
