Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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