My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
