I want to make a zoo with you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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