god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
