found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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