so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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