also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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