I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
false alarm, still single
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize