So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
