pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is Oprah even human
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
how drunk are you?
Several
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
