I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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