I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
