Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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