stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
