you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
