Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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