I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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