He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
