I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
