I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
