Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
