wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
