I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
