You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
