Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
