he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
