I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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