can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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