My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
