Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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