is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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