I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
