I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
