I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
