i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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