I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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