Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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