Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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