my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
