i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
