I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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