Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
BRING THE BAGELS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
