I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
