Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
