College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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