My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
