THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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