wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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