Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
