Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
