How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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