I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize