Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
