i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
