At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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