Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
