guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
