you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
