woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
