sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
